


Frostbite

by grumblebee_dani



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Fix-It, Not Canon Compliant, The Avengers - Freeform, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23176843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumblebee_dani/pseuds/grumblebee_dani
Summary: This is a completely self-indulgent fix-it fic set in the mcu with an original character because there are no rules or gods here. come get y'all juice.also i'm uploading these pre-written chapters before going back to edit them, so it might be awhile until they meet any kind of standard. thank you for your patience.
Kudos: 2





	1. File://TRIGGER

Darkness faded into light and still I kept my eyes shut. I knew that if they opened, the guards would know I was awake. Nevertheless, the door to my cell rattled unceremoniously and I forced myself to sit up. There was no mirror above the grimy sink that stood next to the toilet, but it didn't matter. I knew what I looked like. Tangled hair, short enough to keep out of the way. Permanent dark circles under blank eyes. Defined muscles, strong from training; the intensity of it was enough to make you wish you had died with the rest of your friends and family. It had been seven years since I had been recruited by HYDRA, and the thought of my mother still stung. I hadn't seen her since the bomb was dropped on my hometown. The one that took most of my right side and everything I had ever known. HYDRA had taken me from the blast zone, fitted me with prosthetics. My left leg was also replaced from the knee down, though that was not the fault of the bomb. When HYDRA takes you, do not run. 

I told the guard I was ready, and he took me to see my superior, a man named Hoffman. He gave me my assignment and I was escorted to the helicopter pad where I was to be taken to a village called Bugry. No matter how much of Russia I had seen, there was always more waiting; another mission to be completed. When my feet first trampled the snow, I was drenched in a feeling of familiarity. I wasn't sure if I had ever been there, but I knew better than to tell anyone about the feeling. The pain of my memories being ripped away by the mind wiping procedure was worse than anything else they could do to me. The only thing I could still picture was the day I was taken, but my mission would not wait for me to dwell on the past. 

I tracked my target across town to a small motel. With one shot through the glass, it was over. The transport always seemed to take longer than the actual work. The helicopter was waiting for me in the forest, and with one last look towards the town I should not have known, I saw something. A blur behind a tree. With one look to my escort, he gave me the order to terminate anyone who had seen us. It didn't take long to find my new target and pin them against a tree. It was a girl who looked to be around my age. Making no effort to get away, she smiled impishly and said, __

_Confused, but not willing to disobey, I brought her back to the helicopter without letting her out of my sight. The Spider Monkey spoke to my superior, but I was not allowed to listen in. Sitting next to me on the ride back and looking more relaxed than I ever had, she asked for my name. Her eyes widened in recognition, and I hoped silently that she would not ask questions. She waited a moment before speaking again. I had not, so she gave me a short summary of the Spider Monkey program she was a part of. It was an offshoot of HYDRA, meant to replace the Red Room, and it produced assassins like the both of us. Her spiel finished, she started to tap her fingers on her knees. I tried to apply Morse code, but it was useless. This girl was not like anyone I had known in a long time, and it was unnerving. Smiling and tapping were unheard of in HYDRA. I asked her about the incoming threat she had spoken about. I was accustomed to not receiving information, but this seemed like something I should be aware of. After all, I would be the one on the front lines._


	2. File://RUN

I did not wait to open my eyes as the alarms began to blare overhead. Hardly able to bear it, I allowed my superior to instruct me on where I should go and what machinery I should protect most. As soon as the last words left his lips, I started running toward the action. Soldiers swarmed around me like insects, grabbing guns and attaching knives to their armor. I had my own section of the weapons room to choose from, and I thought a sniper rifle might be the most useful. Hoffman had told me to take a machine gun out into the fray below, but I couldn't see how that would be better than just adding more foot soldiers into the mix. I had been given extensive training in shooting down small moving targets from above, so gunning the Avengers down from a watchtower seemed like the smarter option. Knowing full well that I would be punished for choosing this, I climbed the stairs three at a time until I reached the top of the tower and set up my rifle. Through the scope, I could see the bright colors of Captain America, Iron Man, and the others. The Captain was a sore subject for many people working in HYDRA, so he was the only one I ever overheard anything about. He didn't seem so bad to me.

I had to carefully plan each shot before taking it to prevent the enemy from spotting me. If they did, I was a sitting duck for the most part. If anything, it was a welcome change from the usual chaos. After finally getting in a shot at one of the Avengers, I suddenly found myself wishing I was shooting at the HYDRA soldiers; they would have been much easier targets. No. I was there to take down the enemy, not the people who kept me alive. I took another shot, my aim faltering ever so slightly. If my hand hadn't wavered, I would have struck again for sure. Shaking my head, I noticed that I was out of bullets. I would have to fight on the ground. Setting the rifle down, I did not race to reach the bottom step.

The violence did not affect me as much as it had in the beginning, but it was certainly not a welcome sight. Broken bodies littered the ground. Blood and dirt stained the snow a muddy red. Gunshots and screams echoed off of the surrounding forest. Steeling my nerves, I took a deep breath and sprinted into the heat of battle without any weapon except myself. Grabbing the Black Widow by the arm, I threw her to the ground with one hand while the other pushed a soldier out of my way. She grimaced and rolled out of the way just as I slammed my fist into the snow where her chest had been. Jumping to her feet, she kicked at my face and I ducked, leading her in a vicious dance. Her movements were much more fluid than mine, but I had the upper hand in strength and size. The Black Widow was much shorter than I had expected. People fought all around us, though what broke the spell was not an attack, but the sound of an engine starting. My opponent took the opportunity to stun me with one of her tasers and took off running toward the sound alongside her teammates. Without thinking, I followed. 

Dazed though I was, I managed to track the Avengers to a jet that had been waiting for them in a clearing about a mile away. If I had not been electrocuted, I may have noticed that no one else from HYDRA had followed them with me. All I knew was that these were my enemies, and I needed to stop them. From doing what, I wasn't sure. Their retreat seemed uncharacteristic, but I had never fought them before. The jet's engines revved and the aircraft started to lift off of the ground as I stumbled into the clearing. Having no idea whether they could see me, I grabbed onto part of the landing gear and held on.


	3. File://SOLDIER

Trying to stay secured to a moving jet was difficult, even for a supersoldier with metal limbs that could dig into the side of the craft. Still suffering from being tased, I curled into myself and focused on staying still. It felt like days before the jet landed in front of a large building that I recognized only from photos: the Avengers compound. Now that we were on the ground, I had no idea what to do. Barely able to keep my eyes open, I stayed where I was until my body couldn't handle another moment awake and I passed out.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the pain. It was excruciating, but nothing I hadn't dealt with before. Not daring to move, I opened one eye as slowly as I could to see what looked like a comfortable guest room. If white hot flashes of pain weren't racking my brain every other second, I would have been surprised to see that I was in a real bed in a room that did not resemble a prison cell. A shadow crossed the crack under the door, the only light source I had, and I quickly shut my eye. My memory of the day was spotty, but I was fairly sure that I was in enemy territory. That being said, the enemy had so far been much more generous than HYDRA. They hadn't dug me out of an explosion, though. I had no debt to the Avengers.

There was a soft knock on the door, and when I didn't answer, I heard it open and close behind someone. A gentle voice said, "And I thought I was a heavy sleeper." Another voice answered, "It hasn't been seventy years quite yet, Cap. It'll be awhile before she beats you." Still pretending to be asleep, I listened to their footsteps recede into the hallway. I couldn't stay in that bed forever, and my mission had not yet been completed. I tried to sit up, but the effort caused me to gasp in pain. Throwing a hand over my mouth, I bit into my finger to stifle another noise. I had to get out of there, even if I couldn't finish my mission in the process. Sliding gingerly out of bed, everything started to spin as soon as I stood up. Swallowing hard, I wobbled to the door and tried to open it, but I couldn't get a grip on the knob. Fumbling with it only made more noise, so I leaned against the wall for a moment to try and give my body time to adjust to being upright. With a little luck, I managed to make it into the hallway. Dragging myself along the wall, I put all of my energy into staying on my feet. There was no way being tased once had incapacitated me this badly, so I knew they had done something to me. Drugged me, experimented on me, or any number of other things. It wouldn't be the first time. Stumbling into the next room I came to, I was only able to croak out, before collapsing onto the ground, unconscious for the second time. 

When I awoke again, I was on a sofa with a handful of other people in the room. None of them were looking at me, as they were too busy arguing in hushed tones. My English wasn't the best, so I couldn't decipher what they were talking about, but I knew that I didn't want to be involved. I laid there for a minute before I remembered that I was supposed to be killing these people. Unfortunately, I was in no condition to do so. The pain hadn't gotten any worse, but it wasn't better either. I stared at the ceiling, then the windows, marveling at the luxury of the place. I had never seen anything like it. The arguing continued across the room, and I watched birds fly by, realizing that I had spent at least one night away from HYDRA for the first time in my memory. It was a strange feeling. I didn't miss them, but there was no familiarity here. I didn't know where anything was, I couldn't speak with people, or follow a routine. It was terrifying, but something about not being watched all the time was nice. These people had left me in a room by myself without anyone posted by the door, and they hadn't punished me once.

Another man walked into the room while the others kept talking amongst themselves. I couldn't help but stare at him. He looked like me. We didn't have the same hair or eye color, we were completely different heights, and he was much older than me, but his arm was metal like mine. It moved like mine, and it reflected the light like mine, but it didn't have a red star. It wasn't from HYDRA. He must have noticed me staring because he gave me a small smile and took a seat next to me. In my native Russian, he asked me, 

I answered him the same as I had done for the Spider Monkey, 

His expression did not change, but he turned his body so that he was facing me directly. 

I did not reply, though I wanted to scream and show just how much pain I was in. I could not afford weakness, so I kept my mouth shut. The man did not press me further, but he didn't leave either. He stayed where he was and called out to the others. They seemed surprised to see me awake, or maybe it was something about the man beside me, but each one moved to stand or sit nearby us. The woman I had fought at the base, the Black Widow, gave me a look that I could not decipher. She seemed almost...sorry. 

There was no malice in her words, no demand for an answer. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. My head felt like it was splitting open; it was all I could do not to shout out. The man beside me took my hands away from my face, and through the bright spots in my vision I saw blood on my fingertips. In my fervor I had injured myself, and someone pressed a cool cloth to my head as I bit my lip to keep my tears at bay. At last it was unbearable, and I felt hot tears roll down my face and disappear into the metal joints of my neck. A hand touched my cheek, and on instinct I slapped it away. A moment later, they tried again, and this time I allowed them to brush my hair out of the way. Being touched this way was so foreign to me, and the confusion only made the pain worse. A harsh sob racked my body, and I curled into a tight ball with my chest heaving against my legs. This was not right. There was no training for this kind of behavior. Another hand stroked my back lightly, pausing when it felt the seam where my skin met metal. My crying had slowed, but my body was still shaking. Voices traded whispers around me, but there was no way for me to know what any of them were saying. Barely willing, I unfolded myself just enough to look up at the man still sitting beside me. 

He followed my gaze to his arm, the one so like mine, and sighed. 

Not able to contain my shock, I asked, 

__

_He looked at me skeptically for a moment,_

_I said nothing to this. There was no getting out of HYDRA, not for me. I owed them my life, and my second chance was meant to repay them. Still, I knew what it was like to be tired._

_The man watched my expressions closely before saying,_


	4. File://DUTY

The Winter Soldier. I knew that name, that legend my superiors liked to mention. I did not know any Bucky, but I knew what he used to be. HYDRA's prized possession, a mindless killing machine that had gone missing years before I was recruited. Some said he was still out there, many more believed he was dead. But there he was in front of me. A ghost in the flesh. My eyes finally dry, I nodded. This man, Bucky, did not seem like a killer. He had a quiet patience to him, and a seriousness without intensity. His metal fingers were not as cold as my own. 

The Black Widow heard me and tilted her head in confusion. 

I did not know what to do with that information. A guest? Embarrassed at my lack of knowledge, I curled into myself a bit more as I asked her, 

She and Bucky shared a look. 

Knowing that I would never keep all of the names straight, I listened intently as she introduced herself as Natasha, then went around in a circle telling me the names of everyone else. It was strange being addressed this way. Most people just gave me instructions without formalities. Surprising myself, I kind of liked the attention. It was nice to be looked in the eye without there being an unspoken challenge. These people did not seem the type to punish my insolence. 

Natasha and Bucky were the only ones I could speak Russian with, but I didn't mind the selective interaction. Unfortunately, the language barrier did not stop the barrage of questions that began as soon as introductions were over. They wanted to know why I did not have a name other than Frostbite, why I had stowed away on the jet, why I was in so much pain even though I seemed reasonably healthy. It was so much to take in; I kept my head down and answered none of them. After some arguing that was not translated for me, everyone left the room except for Bucky, who sighed and moved toward the kitchenette behind us.

I shook my head, though the mention of food made my stomach pang. I could not take anything from these people, they had already given me so much. 

He grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini fridge and sat down next to me. 

Gingerly, I took it from him, but I made no move to open it. Instead, I inspected the bottle the way I did with any food or drink I was given. Bucky watched me with an amused look on his face as I finished my routine and took a small sip. No tricks. Feeling that first splash of water down my throat was the best thing I had experienced in the entire time I had been there. I couldn't help but drain the whole bottle as quickly as possible. Wiping my chin, I pointedly did not look at Bucky as he laughed softly to himself. 

Despite the unwavering hospitality I had received, the sharp reminder of my mission lingered. I had to get rid of HYDRA's enemies, and that included the Avengers. But then, every time I thought of killing them, I wanted to do it less. They had no reason to open their home to me or even let me live, but they did. It was confusing. Couldn't they see that I was not meant to be a guest? I was a weapon, not an ally. 

I was still brooding to myself when Bucky returned with more water, and I flinched when he sat down. 

I wondered how he knew what I was expecting. If Hoffman saw me doing something he did not like, especially not paying attention, I would be lucky to receive only a slap to the face. The question had been eating at me more than the thousands of others swirling in my head. Weapons don't sit on sofas and take offerings from hosts. Weapons stay in their holsters.

A split second of shock, and then it was gone. Bucky cleared his throat, looking for the words he needed with care. He rubbed his face with his human hand and let out a deep sigh. 

This did not compute. Sure, I was a human being, but that didn't give me the same standing as those around me. I was meant to be a tool for HYDRA to use. I held my knees close to my chest and hoped it was not obvious how much it pained me to say this. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It had never been so hard to think of my duty to HYDRA. 

Bucky opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off by standing abruptly and practically running back to the room I had woken up in. Staring at my reflection in the window, I was surprised to see how much the dark circles under my eyes had faded. The uninterrupted sleep had been good for me. I shook my head to clear those thoughts and whispered harshly to myself, The girl in the window did not answer. She looked pained, but healthier than any other reflection of myself. It was maddening how these people questioned my allegiance, causing me to have false doubts. Every minute spent at this place was a minute wasted. I needed to complete my mission and take them out.


	5. File://TEMPTATION

My mind made up except for the lingering uneasiness that I couldn't shake, I crept through the hallways and into the stairwell. My half-baked plan was to go to the first floor and find an escape route, taking out any Avengers that stood in my way. Surely, Hoffman would rather I be back at the facility even if I had not completed my mission. Strangely, not one person stopped me or even gave me much notice as I walked toward the main doors. Despite the lack of attention, my heart beat rapidly in my chest, crawling up into my throat as I stepped into the cool air. I couldn't help but quicken my pace as I approached the garage. I had seen it when the jet landed, if only for a brief moment.

Cautiously opening the door, the fluorescent lights turned on one by one. The sound ricocheted off the walls of the cavernous room like gunshots. Flinching, then taking a deep breath, I headed for the motorcycles lined up behind rows of classic cars. I didn't really want to have to break any windows, and they were easier to hotwire anyway. I settled down next to one that looked particularly resilient and set to work. 

I had almost finished connecting the wires when a hand came to rest on my shoulder, causing me to jump about halfway out of my skin. I looked up into the face of a man with dark hair and tired eyes that I only recognized from that morning. He said something to me in English, but I shook my head. He reached into his pocket and handed me a small earpiece, gesturing for me to put it on. I turned it around in my hands, inspecting it while trying not to think of how easily the man had caught me trying to steal from him. Somewhat reluctantly, I hooked it into my ear and looked up at him again. 

"How's the audio quality? I can adjust it if you need."

I almost fell over backwards when I heard him speak. I could understand everything he said with perfect clarity, but I could tell he had not suddenly started speaking Russian. It was definitely English, but in a way I could articulate. Tentatively, I tried to respond. "...Do you have one?" 

He tapped his ear, showing me a device like mine. "Yep. Now why don't you tell me what you're doing to my bike?"

My pulse racing, I did not answer. He looked from me to the bike, then back to me. 

"Walk with me."

The man led me to an elevator, then down into what looked like another garage, except this one practically heaved under the weight of half-finished projects of all shapes and sizes. He leaned against a worktable and waved me into a chair nearby.

"If you don't remember our first meeting too well, I'm Tony. I'm the one who technically owns this place, including the motorcycle you were tampering with."

Even if I had an answer, I wouldn't have been able to get it past the lump in my throat. This was the part where I would finally be punished for all that I had done. I closed my eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry...you don't need to restrain me, I'll go willingly."

Tony furrowed his brow and ran a hand through his hair. "Go where, kid? I'm not about to haul you off to the police for trying to take something I have twenty of. All I want to know is why you didn't just ask for it."

I must not have heard him right. He wasn't going to do anything? "I-I was disobedient. You...you aren't going to punish me?"

He sighed, "To be disobedient, I would have had to tell you not to take it. I won't say that stealing isn't bad, but it wasn't really gonna hurt anything in this case." He picked up a drink from the depths of the worktable and took a sip. "So...why did you need the bike? You don't look like much of a joyrider."

The silence stretched into a long moment; I stared at my feet, trying to find a way to say something. "I...I need to go back. To HYDRA." Tony gave me a look I didn't understand. "They are expecting me, and waiting longer will only make things worse."

He stepped around me to a large screen, pulling up different projections and sending them away just as quickly. Murmuring to himself, he continued on for just long enough that I started to think I should leave, but then he spoke up, "Sorry about not getting that communicator to you sooner, it's not really something we need to worry about that often. Whipped it up in a few minutes before I went to find you, so let me know if it needs any adjustments." 

The look on my face must have shown my confusion because he stepped away from the screen toward my chair and said, "Sorry for the topic change, I just don't know the best way to tell you that you don't have to go back."

Don't...go back? "That is not possible."

"Sure it is, Bucky did it."

I crossed my arms and frowned. "I am not Bucky." 

"And you're not so dark and brooding when you're pouting, but that doesn't make you a ray of sunshine." I scowled harder. "Look...what I'm trying to say is...HYDRA has been feeding you lies about the new world order and how they're saving humanity from itself for so long that you have no choice but to believe it. You can do better than that, kid. You are better than that."

A flash of pain shot through my body and I doubled over, unable to resist my weakness. I could hear Tony trying to speak to me, but all I could focus on was trying not to retch all over the floor. He started moving around and I felt his arm on mine as I allowed him to help me to the floor. The smooth concrete was so much cooler than myself that I was almost surprised when it didn't hiss like a frying pan as I laid my cheek on the floor. Footsteps echoed off the stairwell behind me and soon there were others speaking frantically with Tony about what had happened. Curling into the fetal position, I wished that sleep would overtake me.


	6. File://NAME

Exhaustion had not come as quickly as I had hoped, but when I opened my eyes I was back in the guest room. Groaning with the effort of getting out of bed, I went to the window to see that it was pitch black outside. There was no way I was escaping without losing my sense of direction when I didn't have any of my stealth equipment. I rubbed my eyes with my human hand and sat down on the bed with no clue as to what I should do next. A knock on the door answered this for me, and I mumbled for them to come in.

Natasha came to sit next to me, and handed me a cup of water and a pill. "Here, it'll help the pain you couldn't sleep off."

My hand twitched with the impulse to push her offer away, but instead I kept it by my side and shook my head. "Don't know what's in it."

"Fair enough, but the bottle is in the bathroom if you change your mind." 

I crossed my legs under me and mumbled, "...Thank you." The words were stilted, unnatural on my tongue like a dish I had never tasted. It shouldn't have been so difficult to say.

"You're very welcome...Frostbite." Natasha tripped on her words just as easily. From the quirk of her eyebrow, I knew she didn't want to call me by a codename.

Curling in tighter on the bed, I whispered, "I don't have another name."

"I have a feeling you just don't remember it." She looked at me for too long; my skin started to crawl under her gaze until she stood and opened the door, turning back to me expectantly. "Come on."

She led me to a room I hadn't been in before and dropped into a chair. On the table in front of her were a computer, empty take-out boxes, and papers of all colors and sizes spilling out of boxes and envelopes. I stood behind her, taking it all in.

"There's another chair by the door, why don't you bring it over here?" 

I couldn't do that. Why couldn't these people understand that I was not their equal? My breathing became shallow as I clenched my hands behind my back. "I will stand."

She gave me a quizzical look and shrugged. "Suit yourself." The screen flashed through searches and websites I couldn't read until it displayed what looked like some kind of database. Unfortunately, it seemed that my earpiece only worked for verbal communication. Natasha wasted no time clicking through files until settling on one that looked no more special than any other. "This is all of the information we have on you. It's not much, but maybe it'll give us a name."

My mind reeling, I stumbled back from the computer. My breathing had slowed some as I waited, but now my chest heaved and my eyes began to sting. Biting out the words, "You should not have this." I felt the pain again, stronger than it had ever been. A coppery taste filled my mouth and I realized that I was biting my lip. Opening my mouth, I couldn't help but cry out. Natasha shot out of the chair to catch my arm as I slid to the floor in agony. She said something and a voice responded, though there had not been anyone else in the room. Too weak to acknowledge the strangeness of it, I buried my head in the crook of my elbow and sobbed.

By the time I was able to move, Bucky and Tony had joined us and were speaking with Natasha about my condition. She had laid my head on her lap and was gently stroking my hair. I had flinched at first, but it had become oddly comforting. I would try to bring my hands to my face and fling them away each time that I remembered how I injured myself before. Every time, Natasha would give my hand a touch or a squeeze and let go. I couldn't understand what was happening or why, but I didn't dissuade her, no matter how much I thought I should. 

Tony left for a moment and brought back one of the pills back from earlier. "Here, this should help."

Against my better instinct, I grabbed it and swallowed without even sniffing it first. Anything would be better than the pain. 

"It'll take a minute to kick in, but it should take away some of the intensity."

I didn't thank him, but he seemed to understand. Bucky joined us on the floor, his brow furrowed. He was clearly displeased, but I was in no position to ask him why. He took my metal hand in his and stayed quiet while Natasha murmured a Russian lullaby under her breath. Hearing the song caused the tears to come back, but not in the same way. These were slow, heavy tears that came from something deep inside of me that I hadn't known existed. HYDRA had always forbidden asking questions, but I was splintering under the weight of them, and these people were willing to give me answers. I didn't deserve the affection or acceptance they gave me, but I wished it could last forever.


	7. File://BASE

As the pill began to take the edge off, I tried to listen more closely to what the others were saying. The voice I hadn't recognized before I fell rang out from above, answering Tony. "Yes, there is a possibility of a synthesized mental block. Perhaps an implant of some kind coupled with a Pavlovian response." 

He sat back in the desk chair and tapped a rhythm on his leg with a pen. "Sounds like a solid theory to me, though that's hardly unexpected. Thanks FRIDAY." 

Bucky squeezed my metal hand in his and spoke softly in my native Russian, "Was any of your training verbal? Do you have any memory of being instructed to block things out?"

The pain fading to a low hum in the back of my mind, I tried to delve into my past training sessions with Hoffman and the scientists. "No...they didn't let me keep much."

He nodded, though his expression betrayed his frustration.

"I'm sorry." Barely a whisper, it still startled Bucky out of thought.

"No, no. Don't be." He looked almost shocked that I would say it. "I'm not upset with you."

I didn't know why, but that struck a nerve. I couldn't give him the answers he wanted...but he wasn't upset? Blinking away a few tears threatening to spill, I buried my face back into my arm. I had cried enough.

Through some unspoken communication, Natasha and Tony had agreed to switch seats. He leaned against the wall beside where I still lay with Bucky, and she swiveled around to face the screen.

"I'll save this for later, but you never have to look at it if you don't want to. For now, I think we just need to stop the pain from coming back, don't you?" She turned back to smile at me and I nodded.

"Don't show anyone."

"Of course." Her smile was lasting too long. It was too genuine, too...unlike any I could remember seeing. Maybe someone had smiled like that at me before, but considering the thought made my head pound.

Bucky shifted next to me, trying to get comfortable. Feeling a little stiff myself, I sat up without letting go of his hand. As I did, he opened his other arm to the side and looked at me like he was waiting for something. I stared at him.

"Think he wants a hug, kid." Tony tilted his head toward the other man. 

"Hug?" It was new to me.

Bucky dropped his arm and shook his head. "I forgot...no reason to keep things like that in the database." Then he was pulling me close, but not to where I couldn't easily move out of reach if I wanted. "This is a hug. You just...hold the other person."

I did as I was told with no clear idea of why. "What is the purpose of this?"

Tony laughed quietly. "Sorry, it's just kinda funny watching you two puzzle it out. Didn't you punch Steve the first time he tried this on you?"

Bucky frowned. "Yes...he blocked." He took a chance and let go of my hand to wrap both of his arms around me. "It's supposed to help you feel better. Both of us."

I nodded against his shoulder. "Like Natasha singing to me."

She was smiling again. "Yeah, just like that."

Tony pulled out his phone and flicked through it for a minute until he cleared his throat and stated to the quiet room, "I've gotta make a call. See you guys around."

Natasha had returned to typing on the computer, and so it felt like it was only Bucky and me in the room. Allowing my instincts to override my judgement for a moment, I maneuvered myself into his lap and curled against him like a child. Hesitating slightly, he reached up to stroke my back, steady movements not once faltering over the seam between skin and metal. Maybe my mother had done the same once.

"I know we said so already, but you can stay here." 

I wanted to stay, there was no denying it anymore. It was so much better to be around these people and their warmth. "I wish I could."

A voice rang out from the next room, "Great news!" We all filed out into the living room where Tony was waiting expectantly. "Mama Stark has agreed to host our new guest for a while...if she so chooses." With a wink and a smirk my way, it dawned on me that Tony wanted to let me live in his house. With his family. Too shocked and confused for words, I simply gaped. 

"Completely your choice, but it might be nice to stay in an actual home for once."

Home. I suppose I had to have had one once. "Why." It came out flat and hard, like the knife I kept in my belt. 

Tony looked at me for a moment, considering. "Two reasons, you can pick your favorite. One, the house is farther away from the HYDRA base and anything resembling it, and two, my kid won't stop asking when she can meet you."

I grabbed Bucky's hand again without thought. "You told her about me."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't just gonna stay at the compound for days without telling her why." He picked up his phone again. "So should I tell them you're coming or not?"

I needed to sit down. Stiffly, I moved to a chair nearby and stared at my feet. A deep breath cleared my lungs, but my head remained foggy. 

Bucky took the seat opposite mine and leaned toward me, "You don't need to have an answer right now." He glanced at Tony.

"You're right, Barnes. No rush."

Letting silence overtake the room, we all waited for me to speak again. When I did, it was barely more than a whisper, "What was I called?"

Natasha didn't need to look at the computer again to answer, "Your name was Erika Makarov."

"Do you know my mother's name?"

They all exchanged a look, not too obvious, but I knew how to read body language. 

"Daria." Natasha cleared her throat. "We don't know who your father was, though."

It didn't matter, I had no memories of him. I could only picture a vague outline of who my mother might have been, but she was all I had from before. "Thank you."

She nodded, and I tilted my head toward Tony. "What is your daughter's name?"

He couldn't help but puff up a little. "Her name is Morgan, and she's around your age, I would say. She's too much like me, but thankfully she's got some of her mother's good head on her shoulders." He smiled to himself at the thought of his family. "All I told them was that there was a young woman at the compound who needed some help. Nothing about HYDRA, supersoldiers, et cetera."

I nodded, barely registering his placating words. There was someone who wanted to meet me. The thrill was quickly replaced by doubt, however. "What if I hurt them?" They couldn't possibly know how dangerous I was, it was too risky.

"I don't think you will."

"Why not?" I could feel my face turning red, cheeks flaring in frustration. "I tried to kill all of you at the base, why wouldn't I try again?" HYDRA's orders, their mission, echoed in my mind. Destroy the Avengers and keep the world in order. How could anyone trust me when I couldn't do as I was told? 

"You haven't yet." His voice had softened, as had the way he looked at me. "Do you want to kill us?"

I folded myself up into the chair. "It doesn't matter what I want."

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "See, that's the problem. If what you want doesn't make a difference, then why are you still here? You could have dealt some real damage any day you spent here, but you didn't. And I don't think you're gonna do any worse at my house."

There was no way to argue, so I kept my mouth closed. 

"Look, you can opt out if you want, but I think it would be good to have a change of pace, don't you? You can have your own room, your own routine. A little normalcy can be nice." 

Bucky leaned forward to squeeze my hand. "Natasha and I can visit sometimes. It'll be good to see some of the world without a gun in your hand." If there was anyone I could trust on that, it was him.

"...Okay." Their faces lit up; I hadn't expected them to be so happy. 

Tony immediately pulled out his phone to call his wife and Natasha gestured me over to say, "I can give you a burner phone or a real one, whichever you like. That way we can stay in touch."

I nodded. "Real. I've never had one."

She hummed in a pleased way. "Gotcha. I'll put all of our numbers in it and I'm sure one of the Starks can show you how to use it. It's pretty easy to get the hang of once you get started."

As they both wandered off, Bucky stood and waited for me to do the same. "I'll help you pack."


	8. File://ADJUST

There wasn't much to pack, but we compiled some essentials on the bed in the room I had been staying in. It had been a little jarring hearing Bucky refer to to it as my room just minutes before, but not in a bad way. I guessed that it had become my room over the days I'd been staying at the compound. No one else really went in there except to find me. 

"Are you bringing your uniform?" Bucky waved his hand over the pile of black fabric and kevlar in the corner. 

"...I should."

Even though he had turned around, I could tell he was rolling his eyes. "No. We'll keep it here." He grabbed the whole pile and moved toward the hall. "I'll get you a bag for everything."

When he left, the room felt much too big. Too quiet. I fished around the cabinets in the adjoining bathroom for toiletries the Starks might not have already. Checking my toothbrush and deodorant off the list, I surveyed the rooms one last time. I didn't have much, and all of it had been provided for me other than the uniform Bucky had taken away. 

He walked back in with a backpack that was hardly any heavier once filled. "I'll miss you." He looked just as uncomfortable saying it as I did hearing it, but I knew he meant it.

"You too."

He nodded and put a hand on my shoulder, about to say something, but decided against it and dropped his hand. We walked together to the garage where Tony was waiting. He had already picked a car and started the engine, and the press of a button lifted the side door for me to get in. Bucky went to stand with Natasha, who was over by the motorcycles, and they waved to us as we drove away. 

On the drive, Tony went on about different theories he had for why I might be experiencing brief flashes of pain without being physically injured. "It was weird though, how you were fine when Nat gave you the names."

Snapping out of my own thoughts, I shrugged. "I don't know."

"If it's an implant, it could be targeted towards information that could compromise your mission. Or maybe HYDRA didn't know your name, so they couldn't guard against it." Trees glided past us as we sped down a two-lane road. "Obviously training would garner the same result, but we can't rule out the possibility of something else."

Slipping back into my daydreams, I tuned him out. I had never really looked at the world for myself. It was relaxing to just appreciate the scenery outside the window without thinking of where I needed to be to complete my mission as efficiently as possible. Was this how everyone else lived? I rolled my window down and let my hand drift in the wind. The air flowing through the metal joints was a strange feeling, but not unpleasant.

The car ride came to an end much too quickly for my taste, but I couldn't deny how warm and inviting the lake house looked. As we pulled into the driveway, a young woman in overalls with her long brown hair pulled out of her face swung open the front door and jogged out to greet us.

"Hey, nice to finally meet you! I'm Morgan." She stuck her hand out and I glanced at Tony, not knowing what to do.

"Uh, Erika isn't really up to date on this kind of thing. Let's get everything in the house, then we can settle in." 

I grabbed my backpack and followed them inside, trying not to listen to what Morgan was whispering to her father. In the span of an hour and a half, I had gone from being referred to by codename to the name given to me as a child. It didn't feel right; this name was not mine anymore. I hadn't been Erika for almost a decade. She was not someone I was familiar with, but maybe she could be.


End file.
